Why Rejection Hits Hard for Students with ADHD
Understanding the challenges faced by students with ADHD is crucial for school-based practitioners. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) refers to a phenomenon frequently observed in individuals with ADHD that describes an intense vulnerability to the perceived threat of rejection, criticism, or failure.
“No one likes to be rejected or criticized, but for some students with ADHD, it can be an unbearable intense experience.” This extreme emotional response is triggered by the perception or imagined possibility (without proof) that they have:
- been rejected
- been teased
- been criticized
- disappointed important people in their lives
- failed to meet their own goals
In this post, we’ll explore why students with ADHD may struggle with rejection, what it looks like in the classroom, how it impacts participation and performance and offer practical strategies to support these students effectively.
Rejection Sensitivity in the Classroom
RSD can manifest in various ways in the classroom, impacting a student’s emotional well-being and presenting as a substantial barrier to learning.
Can Not Handle Criticism of Any Kind
Students with “RSD” will have considerable difficulty coping with constructive criticism, making it nearly impossible for them to learn from feedback, suggestions or errors. They are often quick to say ” I know” , while an adult is trying to explain something. They may choose to accept lower grades rather than face test corrections. These students struggle to recover from minor upsets, and often appear internally distracted by ruminating thoughts, unable to focus on their work.
Hypervigilant Peacekeeping at a Cost
Excessive apologizing becomes a tell tale coping mechanism, as students preemptively address perceived criticism. The fear of disapproval from authority figures and peers disproportionately increases stress levels. Participation in discussions is hindered by the dread of negative reactions or judgment.
Students quickly learn to “people please”, becoming hypervigilant to everyone else’s perception, mood, state and lose track of their goals. These students will not try something if they could possibly fail, the risk is just too great.
Social Anxiety?
RSD affects social interactions, and looks a lot like ‘ social anxiety”. Students may avoid group activities due to the fear of rejection or criticism from peers. A high sensitivity to peer interactions makes interpreting non-verbal cues challenging and handling conflict nearly impossible. These students fear that any and all disagreements will lead to social rejection, impacting the development of self and self advocacy.
Why Rejection Hits Hard for Students with ADHD
Children with ADHD often face challenges with executive functions including impulse control, emotional regulation, and working memory.
Estimated to lag behind neurotypical peers by about 30%, these difficulties can make the sting of rejection, criticism, or feedback particularly intense and disproportionate.
With ADHD, often hypersensitivity magnifies the input while difficulties with self regulation exaggerates the output. Instead of down regulating a negative feeling their nervous system lets it blow.
Support for Learners Struggling with Rejection Sensitivity
Caregiver Education:
Provide caregiver education about RSD and the executive functioning skills behind heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection. We must be very careful to not minimize the experience for these students. Offer resources and promote understanding in the child’s support team.
Build Trust with Unconditional Positive Regard:
Establishing trust is paramount. Students with ADHD and RSD thrive when they feel safe and understood. Spend time building rapport through positive reinforcement, active listening, and validating their feelings, no matter how disproportionate.
Offer Clear and Specific Feedback:
- Avoid ambiguous or harsh criticism. When offering feedback, be explicit and specific, as clarity is key for students prone to rejection sensitivity.
- Provide specific praise for achievements in a ratio of at least 4:1 positive to corrective feedback.
- Be mindful when providing feedback so to not derail learning.
- Use positive reinforcement and process praise.
- Remove the person from the feedback: Put away that red pen and remove the person from the error. Instead of a big red circle around a misspelled word, encourage learning with gentle feedback “That is a tricky word to spell, here’s how.”
Increase Frequency of Check-Ins:
Learners may be struggling with something that is not even close to being on our radars. By increasing the frequency of check ins, we can provide support before issues escalate.
Validate and Co-regulate:
Validate their feelings of perceived criticism or injustice.
Educators can help by validating these big emotions, no matter how disproportionate they may seem. The student does not need to hear that “they are overreacting”, because according to their nervous system, they are NOT. We must keep in mind that the students reaction is perfectly proportionate to their perception of the input.
The student needs time and space, coregulation and modeled coping strategies.
Awareness Helps
Addressing rejection sensitivity in ADHD students is vital for school-based practitioners to create an inclusive and supportive learning environment. By collaborating with caregivers, building trust with unconditional positive regard, increasing the frequency of check-ins, using clear and specific feedback, and validating and co-regulating, we can empower students to navigate rejection sensitivity with understanding and support. We can reduce shame and secondary complications of RSD and its impact on classroom participation and overall performance.
For more strategies for emotional regulation check out this post.
Learn More about RSD
The term Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, was first coined by Dr. William W. Dodson, MD, a board-certified adult psychiatrist who has specialized in ADHD for the last three decades. I have had the extreme privilege to see Dr. Dodson present multiple times and his expertise is matched by his compassion and ability to merge evident based practice with practice based evidence.
Dodson, W. (2022). New Insights Into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
Faraone SV, Rostain A, Blader J, et al. Practitioner Review: Emotional dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – implications for clinical recognition and interventions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2019) 60(2): 133-150.
Bondü, R., Esser, G. Justice and rejection sensitivity in children and adolescents with ADHD symptoms. Eur Child Adolesc Psychiatry 24, 185–198 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-014-0560-9
Ginapp, C. M., Greenberg, N. R., MacDonald-Gagnon, G., Angarita, G. A., Bold, K. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2023). “Dysregulated not deficit”: A qualitative study on symptomatology of ADHD in young adults. Plos one, 18(10), e0292721.
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