There is no doubt that a teacher’s role in our children’s lives is pivotal, with an impact that resonates far beyond the classroom. However, what happens when the very structure designed to foster growth becomes a breeding ground for shame, particularly for students with ADHD?
This article explores the negative impact of teacher shaming, focusing on why children with ADHD are more prone to shame and the resulting secondary complications.
The Weight of Words
One of the most powerful tools a teacher possesses is language.
With the stroke of a pen or the utterance of a phrase, a teacher can build or dismantle a student’s sense of self. Unfortunately, when it comes to ADHD, the scales often tip towards the latter.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change,” Brené Brown. For students with ADHD, the constant barrage of negative remarks and misguided perceptions from teachers can corrode not only their belief in their abilities but their belief in their own worth.
“Why can’t you just sit still like everyone else? You’re disrupting the class.”
“You’re not trying hard enough. If you just focus, you could do better.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t finish the assignment. It’s not that hard; you just need to apply yourself.”
“I’ve told you a hundred times to organize your materials. What’s wrong with you?”
“Why can’t you follow simple instructions? It’s like you’re not even trying.”
“Stop goofing off and pay attention! You’re wasting everyone’s time.”
“Your grades are slipping. You need to put more effort into your work.”
“I know you can do better than this. You just need to try harder.”
These statements demonstrate a lack of understanding about ADHD and contribute directly to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and frustration in students who may already be grappling with self-esteem and academic performance.
Accountability
Classroom management and accountability for one’s actions are an essential part of school and life; however, it’s crucial to distinguish between accountability and shame.
Accountability acknowledges that the act or behavior is wrong, while shame implies that you ARE inherently wrong as a person.
Brené Brown explains it succinctly,
“Guilt = I did something bad;
Shame = I am bad.”
When a correction is specific to an act, it should not induce a shamed reaction, though in a shame-prone child, like some with ADHD, it sometimes does.
The Shame-Prone Neurology of ADHD
The neurobiology of ADHD creates a perfect storm for shame vulnerability. Two key factors contribute significantly to the shame vulnerability in children with ADHD: rejection sensitivity and difficulties in emotional regulation.
Rejection sensitivity amplifies the impact of perceived negative feedback, making the child hypersensitive to criticism or disapproval. Emotional regulation challenges make it harder for these children to navigate their emotional responses effectively, leading to intensified feelings of shame and inadequacy.
In a classroom setting where conformity to norms continues to be paramount, children with ADHD may struggle to meet these expectations. Whether it’s difficulty sitting still, following instructions, or completing assignments, their behaviors may inadvertently deviate from what is considered “normal.” This nonconformity becomes a breeding ground for external judgment, contributing to the shame-prone nature of their neurology.
Cycle of Shame
Shame doesn’t just vanish with the passing of a school day; it embeds itself into a child’s psyche, creating a cycle that’s difficult to break. Teachers, often unintentionally, become agents in this cycle.
The shame cycle for a student with ADHD typically involves several interconnected steps:
Nonconformity to Expectations: Students struggle to conform to traditional classroom expectations. Their difficulties are interpreted as willful defiance or lack of effort.
Teacher and Peer Reactions: Teachers may respond with disciplinary actions, criticism, or negative feedback. Peers, react with misunderstanding, teasing, or exclusion.
Internalization of Failure: The student internalizes the perceived failure to meet expectations.
Feelings of Inadequacy: The student internalizes these failures, fostering a sense of worthlessness and shame.
Fear of Judgment: The student anticipates negative reactions from teachers, peers, and even themselves, creating a heightened sense of anxiety and vulnerability.
Avoidance and Coping Mechanisms: To cope with judgment and avoid further shame, students develop avoidance strategies. This can manifest as avoidance of challenging tasks, withdrawal from social interactions, or even disruptive behaviors as a defense mechanism.
Academic and Emotional Consequences: The shame cycle often results in academic struggles and emotional distress. Students may disengage from learning, experience heightened stress and anxiety, and encounter challenges in building positive relationships with peers and teachers.
The shame cycle tends to perpetuate itself. The student’s negative self-perception and fear of judgment contribute to a continued pattern of avoidance, internalization, and emotional distress, making it difficult to break free from this detrimental cycle.
Secondary Complications of Non-Intentional Shame
The consequences of school-induced shame extend far beyond the classroom. For students with ADHD, it becomes a breeding ground for secondary complications. Anxiety, depression, and even a decline in academic performance can be traced back to the roots of shame planted within the school walls.
Breaking the Shame Cycle
It’s imperative for all educators to recognize the profound impact their words and actions can have on students with ADHD. By fostering an environment of understanding, empathy, and support, teachers can break the cycle of shame and become catalysts for positive change.
Educators can play a pivotal role by:
Understanding the neurodevelopmental impact ADHD has on classroom performance:
Understand that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental difference that impacts the development of executive function and self regulation . Recognize the heightened sensitivity to rejection and shame vulnerability in children with ADHD is the first step toward creating an inclusive and supportive educational environment.
Reframe Behavior:
Providing empathetic interventions that acknowledge and accommodate neurodivergent learning styles. Reframe “behaviors” for the lagging executive function skill, often 30% behind peers.
Avoiding Public Reprimands:
Praise in public, reprimand in private. Avoid public reprimand, shame needs an audience.
Use strength based learning and positive reinforcement strategies to counteract the volume of negative messages these students must endure.
Correction must focus on the behavior rather than the child
Separate the child from the behavior. Instead of saying, “You’re not trying hard enough,” try saying, “I see you’re struggling. How can I support you better?”
As Brown emphasizes, “Empathy is the antidote to shame“. Let’s work together to dismantle the shame students with ADHD face in schools and replace it with understanding, support, and acceptance. We can choose empathy over judgment. We can get curious and see the challenges behind behaviors. By replacing shame with understanding, we can empower our students and sculpt a school culture where every child, regardless of their neurodiversity, can thrive.
Learn more:
Brene Brown Daring Classrooms Hub – her talk on shame in school inspired this post , do not miss it
Navigating RSD in the Classroom: Learn more about RSD
ADHD and Emotional Regulation– Learn more about Emotional Regulation
Understanding the Lesser Known Challenges of ADHD: What Teachers Need to Know
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Brene Brown Daring Classrooms Hub – her talk on shame in school inspired this post , do not miss it
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